Live on
by ourkidswouldbemartians
Summary: For Daryl, succumbing to thoughts of violence and revenge is tempting but sometimes the best revenge is to live on. Unfortunately the best one is never the easiest one.
1. Chapter 1

The sun was setting on Alexandria, it had been a very long day devoted to taking care of the injured, burying the dead and getting rid of the walkers. The battle was won at the crack of dawn, they had fought all night and no one had gotten any rest since.

Yet, after spending the day clearing the dead outside the walls, Daryl remained wide awake. His energy was driven by the post battle adrenaline and his unfulfilled desire for revenge. He walked up the street to the building housing their one and only prison cell, he knew Rick would be there and he needed to talk to him about this whole prisoner bullshit.

But just when he reached his destination, Rick got out of the building.

"I don't know why we don't put a bullet through his damn head and move on" Daryl barked at him. At first, he had not contested the idea of putting Negan in the prison cell because they simply had too much to deal with but now was the time to tell Rick what a dumb idea that was.

"No," Rick sighed. "Dying is too easy. We would be doing him a favour."

"So he's just gonna stay'ere and we gonna feed his ass ? For how long ?" Daryl asked.

"That's what we do for now," Rick answered, categorical. But he knew from the look on Daryl's face that he was not done arguing this decision.

"Look, I know you don't like this. But if we kill him, it's not… it's not punishment, it's an escape. It would just be over, he wouldn't be paying for anything. But in there, isolated, locked up with no freedom he is paying for what he did." Rick concluded.

"Your call," Daryl muttered, only half convinced because he was sure of the extreme satisfaction everyone would feel from Negan's death. He sure would be satisfied but he could not help but wonder if revenge would ever be enough. They had won the war and yet the anger was still there, eating him up inside. So much so that he had not been able to rejoice yet, not even slightly.

He left Rick alone in front of the building and instinctively headed for the infirmary, Carol would be there, helping Rosita and the doctor from The Kingdom taking care of the injured. As annoyed and angry as he was, Carol was the only person he knew he could put up with. He opened the door and spotted her changing a bandage on Eric's arm next to a worried-looking Aaron. She looked exhausted and he wondered if she had taken a break since the battle. She had been redoubtable on the battlefield, lethal. This was one of the things he admired about her, she was a woman to be reckoned with but she was also this extremely kind and loving person who put everyone before herself.

He still had not moved from the doorway when she noticed him. She smiled at him and because he was lost in his thoughts, he had forgotten to find an excuse to justify his presence in the infirmary.

"You okay ?" She worried.

"Yeah, hmm…" he mumbled. "Do you need a hand ?"

"No thanks, we got it covered."

He looked around the room and indeed, it did not look like they needed help. Most patients were sleeping, Rosita was stitching Tara's eyebrow arch and the doc was cleaning a bad burn on one of the Kingdom's knight.

When Carol was done with Eric, Daryl followed her in the other part of the infirmary where they kept most of the drugs and other medical supplies. She was putting away some of the supplies which were lying around on the counter.

"I could take over for ya," he insisted. "You look like you could use some sleep,"

She smirked. "You don't look better yourself…" She looked him in the eyes to reassure him, "Go home Daryl, I'm fine."

He nodded but did not listen and sat on one of the counters. She shook her head but did not insist. He was still pissed off but he knew that having her around would somehow help. He never really understood how she could both calm him down or make his heart beat faster. All he knew is that she felt like home, so he quietly watched her clean some of the surgical instruments. But the peaceful moment did not last long for somebody else entered the room. His fury grew like an out of control fire at the sight of Dwight.

"What do you need ?" Carol asked sharply.

Dwight startled at the question for he had been looking at Daryl. The man was a living reminder of everything he hated about himself. He was a reminder of all the things he had fucked up. He finally looked at Carol and remembered that the first thing he had noticed about her was how similar she was to Daryl, though she was harder to predict. She was like an extension of him and vice versa. Therefore, she resented him as much as Daryl did.

"Hmm… do you got any pain meds ?" He asked.

Carol nodded and looked in one of the cupboards to get him some. Dwight felt relieved that Daryl was looking -a little too intensely- at the wall. Carol gave him a painkiller and a glass of water.

"Thanks," he said and swallowed the pill.

"Are you injured ?" She asked. And Daryl wondered _who the fuck cares ?_

But he knew why she asked. he had helped them, given them precious information about Negan. He had played a significant role in the war against the Saviors. But Daryl also knew that Carol did not know what Dwight had done to him while he was a prisoner at the Sanctuary. If she did, she would probably take one of the surgical instrument she had been cleaning and take Dwight's eyeballs out.

"No, just got hit on the head. Pretty hard."

"Go see the doctor if you develop any other symptoms, it might be a concussion," she said imperturbable. Dwight thanked her again and left.

"Asshole." Daryl mumbled and Carol smiled.

"I"ll see ya at home," he said standing up from the counter. He had spoken much too casually and she frowned at him.

"Don't do anything stupid" she warned as he left the infirmary.

The streets of Alexandria were extremely quiet at nightfall and this was one of the rare moments when he kind of liked this place. He watched Dwight walked down the street and then turned left to a smaller one. As he turned, Daryl sprinted towards the man he so vehemently hated, the man who had put him through so much.

"Gave me one reason why I shouldn't kill ya," he said and Dwight turned around.

Daryl was holding him at gunpoint.


	2. Chapter 2

_"Gave me one reason why I shouldn't kill ya," he said and Dwight turned around._

 _Daryl was holding him at gunpoint._

"If you wanna kill me do it, you've wanted this for a while. I'm not going to beg you." Dwight said. Strangely he did not seem too bothered by Daryl's gun pointed at him.

"You don't deserve to be here." Daryl seethed.

"I know," Dwight recognised. "Negan's ass is in a cell today, you guys won. But you're gonna have to accept that I had a lot to do with your people winning."

"So what ? You want a medal or something' ? You did this for you. Cuz' ya wanted revenge just as much as we did !"

Daryl's fury was burning and it took everything he had to not pull the trigger right here and there. But would he truly feel better after this ? Would it truly help ?

"Ya think you're so good because you helped us but it don't change who you are. I saved ya. I saved yer wife and in return ya took my shit and killed my friend. Ya were Negan's bitch because you were too weak to resist."

Daryl lowered his gun but did not get any less threatening, Dwight took a step back. As he approached him, Daryl continued his rant :

"Ya were part of the group that stopped my people that night in the forest after ya shot me. Ya put me in a cell like some fuckin' animal and gave me dog food, ya tortured me, showed me picture of my friend's dead body." He stopped for he was out of breath. Every time he thought of Glenn, it felt like a punch in a stomach. And every time, he wished he could just trade places to give Glenn his life back.

Daryl grabbed Dwight by the collar and pushed him against the nearest wall. And Dwight did not even try to fight back, because part of him knew he deserved it.

"You don't deserve to live." Daryl grunted.

"Why did you say that you get it then ? Cuz' that's what you said remember ? Everything I did, I did it so that I could live, so that Sherry could live," Dwight sputtered.

Daryl was holding him so tight he had difficulties breathing.

"Ya chose the easy way."

"What if it had been Carol uh ? I saw how you guys were during the war… What if her life had been at stake ?" Dwight asked.

"We ain't you."

"Negan would have taken her away from you and …"

Dwight could not finish his sentence for what he had started to say was the final straw for Daryl who threw him on the ground and punched him. Daryl did not care that he had a gun, he wanted to hurt the man who had put him through so much with his own hands. Dwight tried to fight back but Daryl was too strong, too heavy for him. Each blows he gave was a kind of payback for everything Dwight had done to him, to Denise, to all the people his actions and choices had hurt. He kept hitting over and over and would not stop until he felt better.

"Enough !" someone yelled. But Daryl did not listen, he needed to let out his anger. Small hands grabbed his shoulders and he tried to reject them with a shrug. But the hands resisted.

"Stop it Daryl!" Carol screamed. Hearing her felt like an electroshock, like he was brought back to reality after a bad dream. He stopped hitting and looked at his hands, they were covered in blood and so was Dwight's face. The man was still conscious but breathed hoarsely. Carol was crouching right behind Daryl, her arms around him as she held his forearms. She waited patiently for him to come around.

When he finally got up, he looked at her, lost. He felt ashamed too for he wished she had not seen him like this. But she was not mad, she was not judging him either and when she spoke, her voice was soft :

"You go home, I'll meet you there. But I need to get him to the infirmary first, okay ?"

Daryl nodded, left her in control of the situation and headed for the house he shared with her, Rick, Michonne and the kids.

Carol looked down at the man in pain.

"Can you get up ?"

Dwight grunted something which sounded like a yes and she helped him get to the infirmary. When they arrived, Rosita got up from Tara's bed side :

"What the hell happened ?" she asked.

"He got a bit of what he deserves," Carol snapped. She was out of breath for he was leaning heavily on her.

"Let's get him to the other room, I don't want Tara to wake up facing the man who killed her girlfriend."

Carol agreed and both women took Dwight to the adjacent room to lay him down on the last bed available.

"I need to go check on Daryl…" Carol started. She was worried about Daryl and not being with him made things worse.

"Go, I got this." Rosita reassured.

Carol thanked her and grabbed some bandages, gauze and antiseptic for she knew -given the state of Dwight's face- that Daryl's knuckles would be in bad shape. Then, she hurried home.

Oddly enough, the aftershock of what had happened with Dwight did not last so long. Daryl was no longer petrified by his action. He was just pissed again. It seemed like anger was the only emotion he could feel these days. Would he ever find peace ?

He was pacing in his room. The night before, right after they realised they had won, Carol had told him that things would get better. _"We live on until things get easier"_ had been her exact words. Deep down, he knew she was right, they had overcome so many hardships already, before and after the turn. They would get over this too, he knew it but how was that possible if he saw Dwight's face everyday ? He was a living version of his nightmares, a constant reminder of all the things that happened since the day he decided to save him, Sherry and her sister in the burnt forest. He had saved them because that's who he was, he was stuck with that. And he still was, that was why he had not pulled the trigger earlier. Because somehow he understood Dwight even though he hated it, he loathed that fucking empathy he wished he did not have. Dwight did not deserve compassion, understanding. He did not deserve someone like Carol helping him, getting him to the infirmary…

Daryl hit the wall with his fits and instantly regretted it for his knuckles were killing him. He sighed and tried to calm down because the pacing, the anger had made him out of breath. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and headed for his bathroom. He was washing Dwight's blood and his own off his hands when he heard Carol entering his bedroom.

"Daryl ?" She called.

"M'ere." He said coming out of the bathroom and she immediately gave a look at his hands. Even though he had been through worse than a couple of grazed knuckles, she gave him a worried frown because she could not stand seeing him hurt.

"Sit," she said indicating the window seat. "I need to clean these wounds and you need a bandage."

Daryl complied and they sat next to each other on the window seat. Carol put some antiseptic on a gauze and started with his left hand. There was nothing intimate about cleaning someone's wounds he thought but he could not help but appreciate the moment. Her hands were soft, always gracing him with kindness, always soothing him. He looked at her face, she was focused. She was close enough for him to be able to see every single one of the freckles scattered all over a beautiful face.

"You can breathe you know," she said without looking up from her task and he realised that he had been holding his breath while he was staring at her. A bit embarrassed, he decided to change the subject.

"Ain't you gonna yell at me ? Tell me I was wrong ?" He asked. To his surprise, she chuckled.

"Is that what you think of me ? That I'm some kind of moralist who nags all the time ?"

"You do like proving people wrong," he pointed out. She chuckled again because he was right, she finished wrapping his knuckles with a bandage and sat up straight.

"Look, I'm just sorry you hurt yourself in the process. And I'm sorry you're so angry." She stopped to look him in the eyes, " I just wish I could make things easier for you."

He gave her a lopsided smile.

"When they took me…" he began, idly twiddling his thumbs, and avoiding eye-contact. Carol knew this was a sign of him being insecure and nervous, so she patiently waited for him to find his words.

"After they took me, they wanted me to kneel and say I was Negan… But I wouldn't... They locked me up, took my clothes and wouldn't let me sleep... Was naked for days, listening to the same music over and over... I've never been so cold and exhausted in my life."

Daryl was talking slowly and silent tears were rolling down Carol's cheeks but she remained quiet. This was the first time he was truly opening up about what had happened to him at the Sanctuary.

"Tried to escape once, I was stupid… it was a trap, they let the door opened to test me. I got beat up. Several times. Dwight's part of all this. Hell, he was the one who gave me dog food, made me look at Glenn's dead body… He did all this and I ain't even able to kill the guy"

Daryl's voice broke and he buried his head in his hands. Carol felt like throwing up, she was horrified, disgusted. And her heart broke for the man next to her, wishing she could take all his suffering away. She wished she could take all of his bad memories and let them hurt her instead of him. She put one arm around him and rested her head on his shoulder. She knew that no words could lessen his pain so she hoped that her presence, her touch would be enough to somehow comfort him. She hoped he could feel how much she loved him by simply staying by his side.

They stayed in the same position for a while, she knew he was silently crying, as she was. For his pain was hers.

"He told me things would have been different if you'd been there too." Daryl said, he was no longer crying but one could hear the pain in his voice.

Carol did not fully understood what he was saying and gave him a confused look.

"Sherry… I told ya about her, she married Negan so that Dwight could live and Dwight became Negan's bitch so that she could live. He did all this for her."

Carol finally understood his point.

"We'll never know." She said simply, but Daryl looked confused.

"What I mean is that it's impossible to know what _we_ would have done in the same situation. Simply because you never know until it happens to you," she explained.

"But I would do anything for ya, and it scares me. It fuckin' scares me because it's like I got no limits," he admitted.

"And I think that's why you didn't kill Dwight. Because you get him. You know what it's like to be able to do anything for..."

She was going to say _"someone you love"_ but stopped herself because she was afraid he might just run away out of embarrassment and leave a Daryl shaped hole in the bedroom door.

"And you know what true evil looks like."

He nodded, as always she was right.

"That's one of the reasons why I left." She admitted. "I never told you but it scares me too, what I would do for you, what I would do to make sure I will never have to live without you."

He gave her a weird look.

"Paradoxical, I know." She smiled, apologetically. "I'm not sorry that I left, because I needed to. But I'll forever be sorry for making you think that I could live without you."

They looked into each other's eyes and in that moment both knew what the other was thinking. Both were remembering the conversation they had shared over four months ago :

 _"I'm not mad at you, Daryl," she said._

 _"I'm not mad that you lied to me."_

 _"You ain't ?" He asked, turning around to look at her. He looked so vulnerable in that moment that she had to fight the urge to hug him._

 _"I know you,' she said with a smile. "You wanted to protect me. That's what you always do."_

 _"But I ain't good at it," he said looking down._

 _"Daryl…"_

 _"I lied because I didn't want to hurt ya, I didn't want ya to deal with them psychos out there but here you are... dragged into our fucking mess." She could feel that he was getting angry, not with her but with himself._

 _"I'm here because I want to Daryl. I want them to pay for what they did," she reassured._

 _"After…" he hesitated. "After Sophia, I told myself something," he was struggling to find the right words but she waited, she wouldn't be able to speak anyway for hearing Sophia's name -especially- from Daryl simply immobilised her._

 _"I told myself, I'll keep ya safe. I'll keep ya safe from every shitty thing I can 'cause you've been through enough, ya was married to an asshole, ya lost yer little girl. But I didn't do so good now did I ? Ya said ya wanted a man of honour remember ? But I couldn't protect ya, I never could. Not from Rick when he send you away, not from whatever happened on the road after the prison with the girls. And then ya had to face a bunch of cannibals to save us, then the wolves… all by yourself," he finished and looked at her apologetically._

 _"You've always done the best you could Daryl. You can't control what the world does to me, to us. You can't protect me from everything, you know it's impossible," she said, trying to hide how overwhelmed she felt by his confession. He did not responded and looked down again._

 _She started to approach him and Ezekiel's words echoed in her head : "Where there's life, there's hope, heroism, grace, and love…" Daryl represented all these things. She wrapped her arms around him, the same way she had on the day he had found her outside the Kingdom. And he did just the same, burying his head in her neck. And they stayed like this for a while, holding each other. The kind of embrace that was worth a thousand words._

 _Eventually she whispered :_

 _"You're the best man I know. Never doubt that." She moved her head to face him and added : "I forbid it." She had that smug smile on her face that he loved so much and he nodded._

 _They both let go of each other but their body remained close, so close it was almost painful, her heart was beating fast for there was one thing she needed to ask him. He looked at her knowingly, the way they could understand each other without talking would always surprise her. She had never felt so strongly connected to anyone before._

 _"I can't right now…" she began. "But when this… When this is all over and if we're still here…" For once, she was the one struggling to find words. So he spoke instead, for her :_

 _"We deal with all that shit and if we're still here, we start over. You and me. I mean… if ya wanna put up with me."_

 _"I'll put up with you," she said._

And here they were four months later, seating next to each other on the window seat of Daryl's bedroom, still here despite the war and more than ready to start over and leave the demons within themselves behind.


	3. Chapter 3

_"I'm not sorry that I left, because I needed to. But I'll forever be sorry for making you think that I could live without you," Carol confessed._

Daryl stared at her, every part of him telling him he did not deserve a woman like her… every part of him being absolutely in love with her. He knew he loved her, he had for a very long time but sometimes - like in this moment - it would hit him just how much he did. He wished he could tell her that he couldn't live without her either but he remained silent, unable to find the right words. If Merle could see him right now, seating on a window seat, late at night with Carol… the bastard would probably laugh his ass off. "Make a move damn it! You ain't quite right in the head you know that ? She lookin' at ya with those big blue eyes and you ain't makin' a move. Are you sure you're my brother ?"

Daryl shook his head, pushing away any kind of Merle-related thoughts.

"You okay ?" Carol worried.

He nodded but because she was not convinced by his answer she got closer and moved to rest her head on his shoulder. She knew this gesture was comforting for both of them, it was something they had started doing during the war because most of the time words were not enough to comfort or reassure each other so they would just lean against each other, in silence. But this time he stopped her by turning his head towards hers. And her face was close now, so close that his heart skipped a beat.

They looked at each other knowingly, yet she waited before making a move for she could feel his nervousness - and to be fair she was nervous too. Daryl closed his eyes and trusted that she was confident enough to close the gap between their lips. And she was. She placed a shaky hand on the side of his neck and kissed him.

The kiss was soft and Daryl could not remember feeling this good in his whole life. Nothing could compete with this, nothing could compete with kissing Carol. He was absolutely overwhelmed by her, as she was by him. He wrapped one arm around her and kissed her back, with longing, hoping he could show her everything he felt because even if he had been good with words, none of them would ever be powerful enough to describe how she made him feel.

His other hand was slowly stroking her arm, he was so gentle with her, so loving that she felt tears forming behind her eyelids. She let her tongue slid against his and as the kiss deepened, she pressed herself tighter to him. She wanted him close, as close as two people can get. And he wanted her, all of her.

She moved to sit on top of him, straddling him as he wrapped his strong arms around her back, still kissing. She ran her fingers through his hair and his lips left hers to run kisses along her jawline down to her neck. As a response, her hips arched against him and she let out a moan. Then she kissed him again, running her tongue against his lower lip. Daryl slid his tongue inside her mouth, gliding it against hers. He was completely overwhelmed by her and could no longer think straight. His mind was hazy and so was hers, she even felt dizzy, the combination of her overwhelming desire for Daryl and her exhaustion were too much.

Both were breathless, their heart were slamming hard against their ribs so Daryl gentled the kiss. She gave him a few soft kisses before ending the kiss but did not drew away from him. She kissed his cheek and rested her forehead on his. His hands were gently stroking her back as both caught their breath back.

"I'm so exhausted," she whispered.

"Oh thank God…" Daryl said, relieved because he was just as exhausted but had been afraid to admit it for he did not want to disappoint her. She leaned back to look at him.

"We're so old," she said and both laughed.

"Hey, we haven't slept for like two days… we got a good excuse"

She laughed again and looked in the eyes of the man she was absolutely in love with, she kissed him gently one more time and got up from his lap.

"Good night Pookie," she said with a smile.

"Stay 'ere," he said, getting up too. "I mean… If you wanna."

"You think we'll manage to keep our hands off each other and get the sleep we need?" she joked.

"We could build a pillow wall" Daryl said and she chuckled.

"You're an idiot," she said.

As they had been talking, both had moved toward one side of the bed and removed the cover as if they had done it a thousand times before, like a habit. It would always surprise Carol how everything felt natural with Daryl, everything always made perfect sense. She always hated the phrase "meant to be" but she had to admit that it was what being around Daryl felt like. They were perfect for each other, both were extremely similar but also different enough to complete each other when necessary.

She sat on the side of the bed she had chosen to remove her boots and trousers and he did the same before turning his bedside lamp off. Still mirroring each other, they lied down on their back in silence. Daryl's eyes were heavy and it felt like his bones were too.

"We get to start over now, right ?" she asked sleepily in the darkness of the room.

Daryl knew she was not just thinking about them finally letting themselves be together, she was also thinking about everything they had been through during the war, the people they lost, the things they had to do, the people they had to kill… What she was really asking him was : "Are we allowed to start over after all this ? And if so, how do we do this ?" He did not answer her right away for he wanted to find the right words.

Eventually he said :

"We do what we always do, we keep goin'. It ain't gonna be easy but we gotta try cuz' after all the shit we've been through we're lucky we still got each other…"

Carol knew he was thinking about Glenn and Maggie in that moment. Maggie who would never see, hold or talk to the love of her life again. And here she was, in bed next to Daryl her own love who was still here. He was right she thought, this was worth trying. Daryl was worth trying. Getting to start over was a luxury in this world and they had it, it would be a shame, an insult to those they had lost to waste the opportunity to live on.

Carol lied on her side and moved closer to Daryl, nuzzling her head into his chest. He heard her sighed contentedly and he wrapped a protective arm around her to keep her close and nuzzled his nose in her hair. Both fell asleep right away, feeling more at peace than they had in a really long time.

Carol was lying on her stomach - one leg and one arm stretched out over a sleeping Daryl - when her eyes flew open.

"Oh shit!" she exclaimed, sitting up.

"Mornin' to you too," Daryl grunted, turning on his back.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. I was supposed to be at the infirmary at dawn to help… shit!"

She could see from the light outside that it was already late in the morning. She had slept so well that the daylight had not woken her up. And she knew that it was not just because she had been beyond exhausted, the main reason why she slept so peacefully was lying next to her.

"M'sure they can manage..."

"Don't you have something as well ? With Rick, Zeke and Maggie ? You're gonna be late too."

"Yep…" He sighed. "I need vacation."

Carol looked down at him, adoringly. He was supposed to meet up with the leaders and some others to make decisions about what they were going to do with the people at the Sanctuary who were still alive and had surrendered. Most of them were simply innocent and had been living under Negan's tyranny against their will. Decisions also needed to be made about the organisation of the three communities now that the war was over. She did not want to be part of the decision making, knowing that Daryl and Maggie would be there was enough to know that things would go well.

Carol got up to join the bathroom but was stopped by a knock on the bedroom door. She opened it and faced a surprised Rick.

"Hmm… Is Daryl here ?" he asked trying to ignore the fact that she was not wearing any trousers.

Carol made a gesture towards Daryl and noticed that Rick looked pleased with himself. And when she looked at Daryl again she had to hold back a laugh for his attempt to hide his embarrassment was a huge failure.

"I'm gonna take a shower," she said, leaving the awkwardness of the room.

Daryl got up to put his trousers and shoes back on, avoiding eye contact with Rick. When he was done, Rick asked :

"Interesting night ?"

"Shut up." Daryl answered, but that did not erase Rick's smug smile off his face.

Carol spend the day cooking for the patients and nursing them alongside Rosita. She was having dinner with her and Tara at the latter's bedside when the doctor from the Kingdom showed up to take the night shift.

"Ladies, you're off duty," he said kindly.

Rosita wished Tara goodnight and left the infirmary.

"I've got one last thing to do and I'll be on my way," Carol said to the doctor.

He nodded and she went to the other room. She had spend the day avoiding Dwight, handing him his painkillers without a look nor a word though she had some things to say to him. She was just waiting for the right time. The lamp on Dwight's bedside was the room's only source of light left, everyone else was asleep. Carol approached him and started to speak, not too loud because she did not want to wake up the patients who needed to rest but loud enough to make sure he would understand everything she had to say.

"I want you to find another place to live. The people here are trying to start over, and they can't do so with someone like you living here."

"By 'people' you mean Daryl."

"First, let me finish, second I also mean Tara, remember her girlfriend Denise ?" She paused and gave him a hard look.

"I won't save you again, yesterday was the first and last time. As soon as you get better I want you out of Alexandria. I don't care where you go, as long as Daryl and Tara won't have to deal with you anymore. Understood ?"

Dwight looked at her intensely and she held his gaze. He knew there was no point in arguing with this woman, not to mention that no one in Alexandria would disagree with her and what she wants. And truth be told there was nothing here for him anyway...

He nodded at her and Carol turned away from him.

"Can I ask you something ?" Dwight said.

She looked back at him and nodded.

"Why did you save me ? You know what I did to him... and yet you did not let him kill me."

"Because I know the reason why you did everything you did. I would do anything for Daryl, just like you would do anything for Sherry. And because we have that in common, you should also know that if you mess with him again, I will make you regret the day you were born."

Carol turned away from him one last time and left the infirmary, eager to see Daryl.


	4. Chapter 4

Carol first went to her room to shower and wear something more comfortable for the night. She opted for a grey hoodie which was way too big for her and a pair of leggings, not exactly the sexiest thing but she was cold. Plus, she knew Daryl could not care less about her clothes.

On her way to his room, her eagerness to see Daryl was now accompanied by stress. After what happened the night before between them, she did not want him to feel like she expected anything more from him unless he was ready, she did not want to pressure him. Moving their friendship to the next step was a big deal for both of them, not really for the friendship itself because she knew he would always be her best friend but because both had a lot of emotional baggage. Both were scared of not being good enough for the other. Both were scared out of their mind to lose each other. She knew she would not get over it, she knew that if she were to lose him there wouldn't be anything left of her.

She sighed, annoyed by her own thoughts, she was done being scared, done letting fear taking over her desire to be with Daryl. Not to mention that what had happened the night before proved that he felt just the same.

His door was left ajar, the room was beautiful at this time of the day for the sunset was lighting up the whole room, giving it a warm glow. She could hear the shower running in his bathroom so she closed the door behind her and let herself in. She sat cross-legged on the window seat and waited for him.

"Hey," he said as he opened the bathroom door, unsurprised to see her there.

"Nice day ?" She asked.

He simply nodded before adding, "You ?"

"Yeah." She paused and watched him drying his hair with the towel he had in his hands. His long locks were now wilder than ever and she challenged herself to convince him to cut his hair one of these days.

"I talked to Dwight, I told him to leave Alexandria."

Daryl looked at her, waiting to hear more.

"He's going to," she said to answer the curious look he gave her. She stood up to approach Daryl.

"I bet ya asked nicely," he said, knowing that she probably did not. Carol could see in his eyes that he was being playful and she found it endearing.

"Of course. I'm always nice," she smiled.

She placed her hands on his chest and slowly moved them to each side of his neck and kissed him gently.

"Is this okay ?" she whispered, her lips still close to his.

As a response, he leaned in and wrapped his arms around her waist to kiss her back, passionately. Daryl was aching for her and Carol moaned in desire as his tongue slid against hers and he pressed her tighter to him.  
They kept kissing for a long time before Carol ran her hands down his torso to grab the hand of his t-shirt, giving him a clear idea of what she wanted to do with it. She started lifting his shirt up but he finished the job for her, removing it in one quick gesture. But he soon regretted what he had done in the heat of the moment for his insecurities took over, he nuzzled his head in her neck, ashamed of his scarred body. He felt stupid too for Carol had already seen his scars and he knew she would never judge him, their relationship has always been about unconditional acceptance. Carol felt like her heart was going to break for him, how could he not see what she was seeing when she looked at him ? She gave Daryl a kiss on the temple and cupped his face in her hands to make him look at her.

"Let me show you something," she said.

As Carol started taking her hoodie off, he was hit by the realisation of how much he loved the woman in front of him, not just because she was not wearing anything under it but because of how much she trusted him.

She dropped the hoodie to the floor and started pointing out her own scars, near her chest, stomach and arms.

"Got some of those on my back too," she said as she turned around to show him her back. "And on my thighs," she added. Pure rage started burning inside Daryl as he wished Ed was still alive so he could kill him himself.

He was absolutely speechless therefore he simply hugged her from behind in comfort, wrapping his arms around the body that he found perfect as he kept listening to her.

"Cigarette burns scars for when dinner was not good enough, belt marks for when I wasn't good enough… He used whatever he could to hurt me. Destroy me. But he didn't. I'm still here and he's not, the people who've hurt us are not here anymore. We are."

She turned around to face him and cup his face in her hands again.

"Where you see scars, I see how strong you are."

She kissed him, a kiss through which she hoped he could feel just how much she loved him.

"Let me show you how good you are," she whispered against his lips. As Daryl felt overwhelmed by so much acceptance and unconditional love the kiss became more urgent again. Their chest to chest contact was intoxicating and both moaned as their tongue met.

Carol's lips eventually left his to trail a line of kisses along his jawline and neck, driving him crazy. She removed her hands from his hair to move them down the front of his trousers to undo them and Daryl tilted his hips towards her in response.

They started moving quickly after this, taking off the rest of each other's clothes like they were tearing their last walls down. Carol guided him to the bed but as result of not wanting to part their lips both stumbled a bit. They laughed at their awkwardness but quickly resumed kissing as she lied on the bed and Daryl moved over her.

He kissed his way down to her breasts and Carol arched her back at the sensation of Daryl's lips against her skin, his hands were gracing her body with the softest caresses. He sucked a nipple into his mouth, curling his tongue around it over and over while massaging her other breast.

All this teasing was killing her.. Her fingers were tight in his hair when her moans grew louder as she felt his hand caressing the inside of her thigh.

"Daryl…" she moaned. Her desire for him was becoming almost unbearable, she wanted him, all of him. Once he was done with her breasts, she captured his lips once again and arched her hips against his.

He settled between her legs as she folded her arms and legs around him to keep him as close as it was humanly possible. He went deep but quickly stilled at the overwhelming feeling. He shuddered against her, she was too much, too perfect like the way they fit together. His heart was pounding like crazy, and he wondered for a second if it was going to explode. "Perfect way to die" Daryl thought. He felt Carol's body shaking under him too so he rested his forehead against hers in comfort before looking at her. The blue of her eyes was darken with desire.

Carol captured his lips in another kiss and Daryl finally started moving his hips. He was everywhere and it was overwhelmingly perfect, the way he fit inside her, his strong body above hers which made her moan with each of its thrusts, following a perfect rhythm. And though this was their first time, he felt familiar too, like this was meant to happen all along and she had finally reach her home.

Daryl's tongue found the sensitive spot in her neck and it made her moan even louder before he shut her up with another kiss. She rolled her hips against his, asking for more and more and he was more than willing to give her anything she wanted. He thrust faster as she kissed him harder, her fingers grabbing his hair with yearning. And Daryl wanted to cry at the level of intimacy they shared in that moment. No moment in his life had ever felt like this.

Carol gently pushed him off of her to change their position. She sat on top of him but Daryl instantly missed the contact of her chest against his so he sat up with her and held her lips as he pulled her down, burying more of himself inside her. In response Carol cried out his name and quickly they accelerated the rhythm of their movements, desperate to lose themselves in each other.

She pressed herself into his chest, feeling like he would never be close enough as he ran kisses along her neck. The combination of their emotions had them panting. Neither one of them had ever wanted anyone so much, both physically and emotionally. Daryl knew he wouldn't be able to last much longer and as he felt small hands gently grabbing his hair, he thrust his hips into her a few more times, leading her to reach her own climax. Carol cried out, burying her face in his neck and with a low grunt from deep in his throat Daryl came inside her, making her his.

They stayed in the same position for a while catching their breath chest against chest as he gently ran his fingers up and down her spine, both reluctant to separate the union of their bodies. Carol's head was still buried in his neck, tears rolling down her cheeks.. She was crying out of love, out of happiness, they had finally done it, they were finally letting themselves be together, accepting that the fear of losing the other was smaller than the love they had for each other.

Daryl leant back to look at her, he did not question her about her tears, he just understood and in that moment he wanted nothing more than getting the words "I love you" out of his mouth but he remained quiet, unable to open his mouth for he feared that he might just start crying with her. He knew it did not matter, they simply knew and that was enough. He kissed her cheek, his lips lingering a bit longer before softly kissing her lips and lying down on his back.

Carol collapsed on top of him for she could barely feel her body and he welcomed her, wrapping his arms around her naked body. She eventually found enough strength to roll on her side and stop crushing him though Daryl could barely feel her weight. She pressed her face into his neck as he curled her tighter to him and both fell into oblivion.

Daryl could feel from the sound of her breathing that Carol was awake. He blinked sleepily at her, adjusting his eyes to the morning light.

"Hey," she said smiling.

They were lying on their side, facing each other.

"Morning," Daryl answered stretching himself like a cat which made Carol chuckled.

"You're so cute." She said seriously.

"It's a bit early to be drunk don't ya think ?"

"Shut up," she laughed.

He cupped one side of her face and stroke her cheek with his thumb. They were looking at each other in complete awe until Daryl kissed her nose and slowly got up to look for his trousers.

"Stay, we're off duty this morning."

"I'll just get us somethin' to eat," he reassured.

"Get out quickly then," she joked as she watched him getting his trousers on.

"You done lookin' at my ass ?"

"It is a sight to behold," she said, her face overly grave.

He laughed at her nonsense.

"You perv" he joked as he put his t-shirt on.

"Right. Like you haven't been looking at my ass for the past couple years."

"Dunno what you talkin' about," he said but his chuckle betrayed his lie.

Carol could not stop smiling after he left the bedroom. She could not remember the last time she felt so happy, so relaxed. Daryl and herself were both complicated people, damaged by the world they lived in but paradoxically being together was simple and nothing felt more real and honest than being with each other.


End file.
